Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Life As Usual

The other night, a series of severe thunderstorms went through the area. They were quite powerful, with a lot of lightning and spawning four tornadoes. So powerful, in fact, that they woke up my entire house from sleeping.

The next morning, I woke to find the sun rising, and I must admit that I felt rather betrayed. How could the world just turn from something so scary and continue on in the face of everything? I mean, doesn't the sun know what took place in the night? It just seemed the ultimate betrayal.

And yet, on some level, I realize that this is what I am doing with my own story - waiting on the sunrise after the darkness and fear. Working toward normalcy, toward something that seems so irrational, seems to betray the past. It's complicated, I know, but it's just such a weird feeling.

That said, I am struggling most visibly with my self-esteem right now. For awhile there, I felt like I was on top of the world and could do anything. Now, I struggle with what I'm worth. I know I need to look for answers to that based on what God has to say about my worth. He is the only one with the right and the power to decide, and He loves me so much. So I need to be looking to the Bible for answers, but I'm half-scared (or more) about what I will find there because I know it runs contrary to what I am feeling about myself at this time.

That's all I'm going to write. I apologize for not having posted in awhile. I have torn a tendon in my finger, and it's rather annoying and difficult to type one-handed. But I am still in this personal transformative process, and life keeps moving. So remember me. And I'll post as much as I am able until the hand heals.

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