If God had not put it so deeply on my heart to purposely earn the token sum that I need and set it aside for this very work.
There's nothing wrong with a little hard work. In fact, I very much appreciate the opportunity. However, the odd relationship I have with money makes it hard to even a little bit.
Because I won't take a dime from someone I know is poorer than me. And I am a very rich young woman.
It's not that I have a lot of money. I don't. But I don't have a whole lot of need, either. Everything I have ever needed has found its way into my life or I have found a way to seek it out, and I have an incredible God who takes absolutely wonderful care of me. In this regard, I am very rich.
So I'll get an offer to do this or that. An offer for someone to buy something. And I see the way they like it or the way they need it or some void that whatever I can sell or service will do for them...and I can't accept any money for that. I can't. God has gifted me to be able to do these things. He has gifted me to have these things with which I can part. So who am I to charge another for the gift that I've been given in order to give it away?
It's a problem.
Not a big one.
Of course, I also make the argument (honestly) quite often that what I am able to do for people doesn't seem like a lot. To them, I know it does, but since I have been gifted this way, it doesn't seem like anything to me. The work seems so small and insignificant for the joy set before us. Who am I to set a price on that?
I am content to just give it all away. I am content to do what I am able and gifted and joyful to do for the sake of someone else. It makes me happy to give myself away. Money kind of ruins all that. It takes the joy out of it for me. A lot.
Which puts me in a tough pickle in a moment like this where God has convicted me that for this chance, for this moment, I ought to put my hands and my excess to work and earn what He's asking me to give. How do you earn the money when you're content for the joy God has given you to give freely?
And yet, I am not so worried about such things. It only provides a greater opportunity to marvel at the way God has knit my life together. The way that the money absolutely will show up, at just the right time and in just the right moment, which is probably going to be just agonizingly after I start to worry about such things a little bit. The way I will find a way to give of myself, to work in my giftedness as God has made me able, and to refuse to take payment from a world that is poorer than I am...and still somehow end up giving it away and walking away richer...with the needed monies to boot.
It's the way I find that God works in my life. One of many.
It's one of my greatest pleasures in life - to watch how God's about to work it all out and then rejoice in the goodness that is all His.
That said, I am looking to earn a small bit of money in order to pursue the opportunity God has laid before me. Before you say it, yes, I know. There are those of you reading who would just give me the cash if I asked you for it; that is not on my heart. Not this time. I am sure there will be plenty of opportunities later for you to use your wealth to bless me in my richness. This is not that time. If you know of something I can do for you or someone else, though, please let me know.
I might even let you pay me. Given of course, that you're richer than me.