When I started looking for a new church, there were a couple of churches in town that were completely off the list. Not even going to consider them. There were things about them that just didn't gel with what I thought I wanted in a church, or they were too intimidating for one reason or another, so when I started thinking about where I might visit, they were off the radar.
And honestly, I've been thinking about visiting churches for longer than I was actually doing it. In fact, the church that I now regularly attend is the first church I even visited...and it took me almost a full two years to do that. What I wanted was to be able to heal and go back to my former fellowship; it was what I was planning on. But it just wasn't the right way for me.
Wouldn't you know it, though? The church I visited first, the one I now regularly attend, is one of the churches that for months of searching, I never would have considered.
In hindsight, it was kind of a dumb reason. Maybe. But I had a friend from a recent season in my life who told me she attends that church. (And, it turns out, she not only attends that church, but is a ministry leader.) But when that season of my life changed and I tried to maintain the relationship, she ghosted me. I texted her a cheerful message of encouragement after my season ended, and it's more than two years later, and I still haven't gotten a response.
In a world in which we hurt one another so often - and I know that I am guilty of this myself - I wasn't sure about joining a fellowship with that kind of person in it. I was seeking real connection. I wanted to have a family again. How can we be family if you ghost me when I'm just trying to be nice? When nothing has changed for me in our relationship just because I have moved in a new direction, but everything seems to have changed for you?
It definitely weighed heavy on my heart.
But then, my boss agreed to let me attend Easter Sunday services this year. It was supposed to be my Sunday off, but we lost one of our employees due to a sudden move out of state, and I picked it up. I told him, though, that I'd been ready to get back into church for awhile and had planned on finding an Easter service, and he told me to definitely do that. Go to church. Worship. Come in later...or come in and leave and come back. Whatever I needed to do.
I had a plan for my Easter Sunday. I knew where I wanted to go. I'd received an invitation from an acquaintance, and it looked interesting. But that service was later in the morning, which meant I would have to leave work to go, which meant I would be in scrubs. And when I looked at the church's facebook page, I saw everyone in their Sunday best - suits, ties, button-downs, dresses. I wasn't sure I could show up in scrubs and feel welcome. So I kept looking for a different service.
I didn't have to commit to anything. I just wanted a place to be for Easter.
Then, I found out this church that wasn't even on my list, this one I wanted nothing to do with, this one that didn't sit well in my heart for such weird, broken human reasons, has an 8 a.m. service. It was close to home. The service lasted about an hour. I could be at work by 9:30.
So I went.
And I fell in love with it.
But not for the reasons you might think.
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