The Prayer

I have spent many long nights in the past few weeks trying to remember how to pray. If we are friends, you know the troubles that have beset me in the past few weeks - a major stumbling block in my own health, an unexpected setback, the loss of a beloved little dog, followed by a sudden illness and now, the loss, of my big dog and best friend. It's been...a season. 

Last Monday night, I came home from work to find what I was certain to be my best friend's last night on this planet. She could hardly stand up. She stumbled down the stairs. She hadn't eaten in nearly three weeks, and she wasn't drinking much any more. When I took her out into the yard, she refused to come back into the house. Twice, she turned away from me and walked into the grass to lie down. Twice, she looked at me with sad eyes that she could barely hold open at all, telling me, it seemed, that this was the end. 

I'm not ready for the end. I'm not. But I determined that if it was the end, I was going to be there for it. I stayed up all night with my girl, telling her how much I loved her. Thanking her for everything she's given me. Telling her that if it has to be this way, that it will somehow be okay. That I love her. 

At the same time, praying to God. Trying to figure out how to pray to God for something that meant the entire world to me - what would happen next with my girl. With me. 

The prayer that I prayed that whole night was this: "Lord, if there is something I can do to help her, something that would give her more meaningful time with me, then get her to morning. Give me that chance. Whatever the cost, I will take that opportunity."

But in the very same breath, also this: "But if, Lord, there's nothing I can do for her, if I can't get her back, if I can't make her days better or give her more meaningful time, then take her tonight. Take her with peace. And let me somehow be okay." 

A few hours later, my girl...my girl who always fought so hard out of her love for me...rolled over on her back, belly in the air, and put her paw behind her head. I petted that belly so hard, then went and got a syringe full of water, which she happily drank. Then, I filled that syringe with chicken broth, which she happily drank again. Then, I filled a water bottle with broth, and she drank all that, so I brought in a tupperware container and poured it full of broth three times, and she drank it all. 

God was answering my prayer right before my eyes, and before I knew it, the sun was up and both of us had made it through the night. 

I called the vet first thing in the morning and made her an emergency appointment. 

The vet thought, like I did, that my girl was wrestling with grief. Having just lost our other dog three weeks ago, the timing seemed right, but we did our diligence and took an xray anyway...and found a mass. A mass that could be something, a mass that could be nothing. She had to stay in the hospital for a few days anyway, to help rehydrate and re-nutrient her so that maybe she would perk up, so they decided to investigate the mass a little more. 

A couple of hours later, they called and said it was definitely a tumor, but it was in a great spot and both vets on the case were fairly certain they could get it. I agreed to the surgery immediately, without a single thought - I had prayed this prayer. If there is anything I can do...and here it was, my opportunity. Of course, I was taking it. 

A few hours after that, the surgical vet called and said the procedure could not have gone better. Couldn't have even scripted it that good. The entire tumor was successfully removed, she was stable, and this was "definitely going to be a new lease on life for her." The plan was to keep her still a couple of days to manage the malnutrition from three weeks of not eating and send her home on Thursday. 

On Wednesday morning, they called and said actually, she's ready to go home now. Her blood sugars are steady, she's licked her bowl clean twice already, and there's no reason to keep her any longer. I clocked out of work and went home to go get my girl, remembering every second the prayer that I had prayed. 

God was giving me more meaningful time with her. I had prayed the prayer, gotten the opportunity, taken it, and we were walking out victorious. My girl just beat bowel cancer, for crying out loud. 

What more could you ask for?