God of Power

When I first started traveling by myself, I used to pray - however far You get me from home, Lord, You have to get me back home.

See, I was afraid that I wasn't strong enough to make it on my own. I was afraid that my body might fail, that I might get tired, that my eyes might grow weary of looking at the road, that the grip in my hands might fade, that I wouldn't be able to keep my foot on the pedal. I was afraid I might get nervous or maybe even panic, not knowing where I am or what is around the next turn. I worried about not reaching my destination...and I worried about not having enough left in me to make it home if I did. 

This is the life of someone who lives with a body that isn't perfect. At the time I was praying these prayers, my major affliction was undiagnosed and therefore, uncontrolled. Something was randomly sabotaging my life, completely unpredictably, without my ability to control it or mitigate it, without my even knowing it was coming. So it was a very real possibility that even if I made it to where I was going, I would be too tired or too sick or too incapacitated to make it home. 

Hence, my prayer - I don't care if I make it or don't make it, as long as God gets me home. 

And you know? He did. Every single time. 

It's been many years since I first started praying that prayer. My underlying medical condition has been diagnosed and is properly managed, so I don't worry about that so much any more.

But I still pray those words. 

I still pray those words because I still live a broken life in a fallen world where I don't always know where I am or what's around the next corner. So I'm constantly praying - however far You get me, Lord, You have to get me back.

However disrupted things get, You have to get me back to peace. However hard things get, You have to get me back to rest. However unlike my dreams my life looks, You have to get me back to hope. Over and over again, I pray these words because I know that I'm not strong enough on my own. I know that I'm not capable enough on my own. I know that I'm not good enough on my own. 

And I know that Paul was right - God's power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

Because my life is a testimony of both (God's power and my weakness). 

Everything I've accomplished, everything I've done, every time I've done anything good, it's because God has filled the space between what I'm capable of and what this life demands of me. It's because God has created strength where my muscles had already given out. It's because God has poured into a cup that's been empty for far too long. 

And I'll tell you that with every breath I've got - God's power is made perfect in my weakness. Because if it weren't, I certainly would never have gotten this far. 

And of course, now that I'm here, I know there's more still ahead because from here, the Lord who is faithful beyond my measure still has to get me Home.