Their Own Time

Have you ever wanted someone to do something "on their own time"? 

We usually say this when we believe that something someone is doing is infringing on our own time...or on our sensibilities. 

We say this more often than we think - let him talk about politics on his own time; let her breastfeed on her own time; let them practice their religion on their own time. 

We say it when the person in front of us in line is having a class reunion with the cashier, who they haven't seen in 10 years. "Reconnect on your own time." We say it when the patient wants to wait for their pastor to arrive and pray before moving forward with the procedure. "Pray on your own time." We say it when the gay man wants to talk about his new date. "Talk about your love life on your own time." 

It creates a lot of tension. We don't understand why the world insists on interrupting our time with their time. We have a schedule to keep, professionalism to maintain, relationships of our own to value. Don't they understand the trouble and the inconvenience they are causing to the way the world works by doing private things in public? By insisting on bringing what's meaningful to them into a space that wasn't built to hold it? 

Friends, let me tell you - the trouble isn't folks who refuse to operate on their own time. The trouble is our spaces that don't value it. 

Because here's the truth that we so often forget - every single second that they're breathing is their own time. Their life is theirs to live as they see fit. If that harshes your mellow, then too bad. It's their time, and they can do whatever they want with it. (Obviously, it's all God's time, not ours, but follow me here.) 

And that means that if the person in front of you is chatting it up more than your liking, then you're going to have to find a way to deal with that. Move lines. Or reassess your priorities. You're in public. That space is theirs just as much as it is yours.

If the patient wants to wait until their pastor arrives before you sedate them, then you wait for the pastor to arrive. That prayer they are waiting for is just as life-giving to them as whatever intervention you're about to perform. If you claim to be taking care of that patient, then you have to give them the space to receive the kind of care that's important to them. 

If the gay man wants to talk about his love life, guess what? He gets to talk about his love life. You can express your opinion, walk away, ignore him, whatever, but you can't tell him what to do with his time in his space just because you happen to share it and think it's yours. 

I'm growing weary of a world that wants to compartmentalize all of our lives, as if there's a certain time and space for everything human that we do. Of course, I'm not advocating for no boundaries at all; that's silly. But I'm advocating for us to assess our boundaries. How do we decide what's relevant and when and where? Is it just an annoyance to us or is it an actual threat? We have to stop asking ourselves what we're losing when our time is interrupted and start asking ourselves what others are gaining when we allow them the freedom to use theirs the way they want. 

Nobody just does things without a reason, and that reason is usually deeply meaningful to them. I just think we'd be better off as a people - as a community, as professionals, as neighbors, as families, as one anothers - if we'd take the time to consider that more. That's all.