God Forgives Forever

I consider myself pretty good at forgiveness. 

I understand the human condition and have spent most of my life trying to understand my own insecurities and traumas and failures, and as I have traced these threads through my own life, I have developed a kind of grace for the other that is uncommon in our culture today. 

The truth is that I believe everyone is doing the best they can with what they have; there aren't very many of us who choose to go out and fail or be mean or create bitterness in the world. We honestly think we're doing what's right or we wouldn't be doing it. Sometimes, we get the better of ourselves, and our brokenness speaks louder than our heart, but at our cores, most of us are trying to get life right. 

And I believe that our baggage, whatever it is, shapes us - for better and for worse. The experiences we bring with us into every moment shape that new moment, sometimes in ways we don't even understand. Very few of us have the kind of introspection needed to truly understand ourselves, let alone anyone else. 

So...grace. And if you want to start over, let's start over. If you tell me you're working on it, I'll take that at face value and encourage you forward. If today is not going to be like yesterday, then I don't see any reason to bring yesterday into it. 

Until you do. 

And once you bring yesterday back into it, my grace-filled, compassionate, forgiving nature...suddenly remembers every single bit of it. So that mistake you just made for the fourth time suddenly comes with the weight of your three failures before it. 

Because I'm not as forgiving as I really think I am. Apparently. 

I honestly do my best to forgive, but forgetting is harder. Much harder. So when you remind me, I remember. 

Sorry. 

Thank the Lord that He's better at this than I am. Than we are. 

Jeremiah says that when God forgives sins, they're gone (50:20). They're just gone. 

They're not gone to some place where He can go get them. They're not tucked away waiting to be recalled into awareness. They're not sitting over on the side somewhere, forgiven but not forgotten. They are forgotten. Because they are gone. They don't exist any more. 

When you mess up again with God, He doesn't suddenly remember all the other mess-ups you've had in the past. The new one doesn't come with the weight of all the old ones. What old ones? Those are forgiven, gone, covered in blood, then washed clean. There is no full weight to come bearing back on you because the scales against you are empty. 

That's the way God forgives. 

I wish I could be more like that, but in my human state, I don't think I'm ever going to get there. I don't think my flesh can do it. 

But I'm so, so thankful that my God can.