Peggy

Okay, I promised I would tell you about someone else with resources I didn't know about and couldn't dream of who would change my heart and life for the better, so today, let me tell you about...Peggy. 

Peggy and I were in the same chaplain education class - my first one - at one of the local-ish hospitals. We were even assigned to the same units. She was already working on her advanced education; I was stepping out in faith on God's word and a prayer. 

The one vibe I picked up on from Peggy right away was confidence. Not arrogance, but confidence. She had this seemingly-innate knowledge of who she was. It was evident in the way she carried herself, in the way she spoke, in the way she related to others. It gave her this air that I could only envy. 

She never said it, but I felt like Peggy really adopted me for those 15 weeks. She was always doing whatever she could to expand my horizons a bit, understanding that I didn't have the real-world experiences that she had, that I didn't have the base to draw from that she did, that my life had been very different from hers.

I still remember the day she ordered lamb from the hospital cafeteria and, with an extra fork, offered me a bite. She had intentionally gotten the extra fork for me; she was planning this act of benevolence. I hesitated a bit and confessed I'd never had lamb before. 

"I figured you probably hadn't. That's why you've got to try it." 

So I did. 

But one of the other moments that stuck out to me was the day Peggy quietly pulled me aside, where no one else would hear us, and handed me a gift card for a gas station. She knew that I didn't have an income, that I was putting myself into this program and living on faith, trusting that God was going to provide. Perhaps it was something I had started to talk about in our group reflection sessions...or something she just picked up on. I can't remember. 

As Peggy handed me the gift card, she said she'd been pumping gas just a few days before and suddenly had thought of me. God had put me on her heart. I think she said that she couldn't relate, that she'd never been in a position in her life where she didn't know where the next tank of gas was coming from, and that prompted her to offer me the gift. No strings attached. 

It was still hard for me to accept gifts at that time, but she was right. The truth was, aside from a year's worth of manual labor as a construction gofer, I hadn't had a steady paying job in almost 5 years. I was salvaging trash and selling it...and handmaking some things out of wood. To pay for the program, a few generous souls who believed deeply in God's calling on my life had contributed the tuition fee and one kind soul had given me a gift card for gas, knowing the hospital was over an hour away - each direction. But that gift card ran out in the first three weeks. There were 12 weeks left to go, and I was just trusting God to provide. 

He did provide, by the way. Every time I got to my last breath, He somehow gave me another one. It was an amazing season. 

But what struck me about that little exchange with Peggy was that she was so reflective on her own life, so honest about it, so humble about it, that she was able to recognize the privilege she'd been given...and use it as a stepping stone to help someone who didn't know the same kind of privilege. 

It took me a long time before I really understood privilege. With my life story, it seemed like a myth. Like something the world thought I had but they didn't really know me. As I continued to grow and to be honest about myself and be humble about my life, I realized that I have had privilege that others simply don't understand. 

We all do. 

Sometimes, that privilege is wrapped in things that don't look like privilege. Sometimes, it's buried somewhere deep in our stories. Sometimes, we only see it in hindsight and humility. But if we're able to be honest with ourselves, we know. We know the advantages that we have that give us a vision for the world that others don't have. 

And if we, like Peggy, can be honest and humble and open to the guiding of God's spirit, we can use our privilege as a blessing to others. In ways they will never forget. 

I want my life to be like that. A humble, honest blessing to others.